Well hello thee everyone.
So, i'm at home and trying to lose some weight and not gaining it 😑
Anyways, i was going through a few scholarships and i'd just realized, i've missed a lot of things.
And to tell you the truth, i'm really scared of the future.
Its like you can't tell anything.
And considering i'm not the best human kind that ever lived and considering how many sins that i've made 17 years living in this world, had made myself think.
Are to going to succeed or are you going to end up falling down the drain.
The pressure that i am facing right now is that, since i'm the eldest in the family, my sisters looked up to me. Whatever i do, they WILL follow my lead. Someone once asked me at the BTN camp,"Afi, what is your biggest fear?" My answer to that question was vert simple. The fear of letting everyone around me disappointed with what i gain. Its so scary that sometimes i tend to run away from these probelms. I would either ignore it altogether or just close my ears and not care.
My family is not rich to support my tuition fees in uni, and my parents have to support 5 more underneath me. The thought of bringing their hopes down scares me to the core.
I am trying to define myself and that i am trying to become a beete Muslim. Old habits die hard they say, but it won't kill you to change. I AM TRYING TO CHANGE for the better, and truthfully, its really hard. No one knows whats going inside this little heart except for Allah the Almighty, and I pray that he will forgive me for my sins.
